‘I have a husband, girlfriend and comet partner – this is how I juggle my polyamorous relationships’

A polyamorous person has shared how they juggle a husband, girlfriend and ‘comet partner’ – and how it’s no different to loving multiple friends.

Dana Hare, who uses they/them pronouns, has been with their partner Eli VeDepo, 32, for five years after meeting on a dating app.

The couple were immediately open about their pansexuality, which is when you’re attracted to people regardless of their sex or gender.

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And they both expressed their preference for polyamorous relationships, when you have multiple romantic partners with the consent of all the people involved.

Dana, 31, also has a girlfriend called Gaby Cruz, 23, and a comet partner called Tone Gardner, 31.

A ‘comet’ is defined as a relationship where the partners only meet in person occasionally, usually due to other commitments.

Dana’s husband Eli, 32, and girlfriend Gaby are also dating each other.

And Dana says despite the online haters, it just works.

“We get a lot of judgment, especially on the internet,” Dana, a production assistant at a coffee roastery, from Nashville, Tennessee, told What’s The Jam.

“It always comes from ignorant people, people that are jealous or people that don’t even want to try and understand.

“Love is not limited, you can love multiple friends.

“You can love multiple children.

“You can love multiple parents, especially if your parents get divorced and remarried.

“So why can’t you love multiple partners?”

Dana introduced her girlfriend Gaby to partner Eli, a carpenter, at her birthday party.

They said: “Every year for my birthday I host an orgy for consenting tested adult friends of mine to partake in.

“My partners naturally were both invited if they wanted to be a part of it and both of them consented enthusiastically to join.

“Gaby and Eli met, shared a drink and some conversation, and a few hours later they were making out and ended up hooking up.”

Over the next three months, Gaby came over to Dana and Eli’s house more regularly.

Sometimes she and Dana would sleep in the guest room, and sometimes she’d end up in bed with both Dana and Eli.

Dana said: “The original idea was her and Eli would have their own rooms and I would flip flop between the two.

“But the two of them started spending more time together to get to know each other better.

“Then, one weekend when I was out of town, they hooked up again, without me.”

Gaby eventually moved into the family home with Eli, Dana and Dana’s daughter, and Dana started also seeing a DJ called Tone, a third person she met online, who lives 10 minutes down the road.

Gaby, who works as a medical assistant, also has another partner who lives close by.

Dana said: “We use Google Calendar so all of our calendars are shared and colour-coded.

“We also have healthy regular check-in’s even if nothing is wrong so we can sit down and talk about any feelings that have come up, or any kind of jealousy.

“If anyone needs a little extra reassurance, we allow space and time for that to be communicated.”

Dana said they don’t care what other people have to say.

They said: “Finding the one and only and being with one person for the rest of my life is something that I truly don’t understand.

“The majority of our friend base is other queer people or other polyamorous people.

“We have minimal monogamous friends and minimal straight friends.

“My family have known about me choosing non-monogamy for a solid 15 years now and while they had a lot of questions in the beginning, they are all really supportive, which is really cool because a lot of my family is from a much older generation.

“Eli‘s family is also insanely supportive of him and our lifestyle.

“Gaby‘s parents are still adjusting to the concept that their daughter is choosing to live a non-monogamous lifestyle, but they are still active in her life and she still has a close relationship with them.”

As for challenges, Dana says the main problem is other people’s opinions.

They said: “I personally don’t feel like we face any insanely large challenges, other than dealing with haters on the internet, but that’s only because we choose to promote our life on the Internet for normalisation and education.

“My thought process is unless they’re paying my bills, I don’t really care what they have to say about me.

“There was also the adjustment period of living with Eli through a pandemic and seeing him all the time to now having to see him less because I’m seeing other people and so is he.

“But with communication and planning intentional quality time, we manage any feelings that can come out of that.”

And Dana has shared some advice for people open to exploring polyamory.

She added: “PolySecure by Jessica Fern is the Bible on non-monogamy.

“Try initially dating separately from your partners, throuples are the hardest form of non-monogamy to practice.

“And don’t come forward publicly on the internet if you’re not ready to accept a lot of societal judgment.”

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