A woman says she is fed up with constantly being “gaslit” into starting a family – adding that being child-free has made her life better.
Jade Matthews has always known that she didn’t want children, but even as a child herself, this opinion was met with negativity and lots of backlash.
The digital content creator has battled as she’s grown up with being called “immature” and “selfish” – and has received comments trying to “gaslight” her into making the permanent decision.
Now, aged 36, she claims the persistent topic is starting to become less of a conversation starter in her life, but says that women in society need to know that being a mum isn’t their only purpose.
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“Everyone has their own ideas of success, but I know that my life certainly wouldn’t be better off with a child in it – in fact, it’d be worse,” Jade, from London, told What’s The Jam.
“I’d have less money, time and freedom for myself.
“As I grew up and others around me started to have kids, it was just expected that I’d make a fuss over the newborn.
“I remember when one of my younger cousins was born and holding them – I thought they were cute, but it never made me want one of my own.
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“Sometimes, people would say: ‘It really suits you’ which I found very creepy, as I was barely an adult myself at the time.
“It’s comments like this which make young women believe that this is the route they have to take in life.
“Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.
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“It’s sad how many people end up with regret because they’ve been coerced into this decision to please others and not themselves.”
Jade, who used to hate playing with baby dolls as a young girl, recalls the topic of having children popping up with her friends around the age of 12.
When she slipped into conversation that she was never going to have any, she remembers her peers looking at her like she had “three heads”.
As the digital content creator entered her 20s, she still didn’t feel maternal or have an ounce of “baby fever” which rubbed family and friends – even strangers – up the wrong way.
She said: “I had non-stop comments from people I didn’t really know telling me that I’d change my mind or that I’m going to die alone.
“It’s such a grim thought to have in the first place and it’s shocking how many people spend their days worrying about such stuff.
“I feel sorry for them because their time is consumed with these fears and usually, they’re just pushing these into judging the child-free community about why we don’t have any kids.
“People around me have only ever expressed their concerns about me regretting my decision, but this has never been the case for me.
“It’s not like starting a new job, deciding you don’t like it halfway through and then leaving – it’s a permanent, life-altering decision.”
Jade believes that women without children are often treated differently in society, but says that there are many reasons which may put people off; such as the cost of living crisis and overpopulation.
She also thinks that the expectations of women are constantly pushed in society and that they’re made to feel “guilty” if they don’t meet these.
The 36-year-old said: “We’re gaslighted into believing that our lives need to be chaotic and stressful and that we’re not allowed to put ourselves first.
“I know when I started putting more time into me, that people kept trying to push the guilt trip narrative – but I had the time and they didn’t anymore.
“It’s shown in television shows and adverts that women aren’t complete without a baby or that having one was the making of them.
“If child-free people are shown, then we’re often portrayed as the villain and made to look like awful, bitter people.
“Maybe society should ask those without kids what we get up to and how much we contribute to the world even though we don’t have a baby.
“But all our efforts get pushed to the side because it doesn’t involve kids as if we’re somewhat not worthy enough.”
Now, Jade is married to someone who also doesn’t want children and is using her experiences to offer support and advice to those going through a similar situation.
She has a group on Facebook, Childfree Entrepreneurs, where she offers a “safe space” for people without children to not be judged – but says that more needs to be done in society.
Jade added: “I’ve always made it clear that this is my choice and it’s not up for negotiation.
“I laugh at people’s comments now, especially as they think they’re going to be ‘the one’ to finally change my mind.
“One of my favourites is: ‘You don’t know anything about being tired until you’ve had kids’ as if that’s going to sell the idea to me.
“It’s OK not to want children and you’re still worthy if that’s the case.
“People seem to think they’re superior for having kids, but I hope this mindset will change.
“Even if I changed my mind one day, I know I’ll be judged for what I fed for dinner or how I dressed them – as nothing pleases society.
“Why make life more difficult?
“It’s my life and I get to make the decisions – and I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for doing that.”
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