A mum-of-six has shared her harrowing ordeal as she struggles to take care of her family alone due to her husband’s rare condition – and says she initially thought he was “going crazy”.
When Lindsay Kelly started arguing with her husband, Rhead, 43, on a daily basis, she worried that her marriage was falling apart.
The 41-year-old then became increasingly concerned when the former religious teacher started missing work three days a week and kept forgetting simple things, such as forgetting conversations they had in the morning by the afternoon, as well as making up things that weren’t completely true.
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As his condition rapidly declined and she thought he was “going crazy”, she sought out medical advice, where he was diagnosed with primary progressive multiple sclerosis, a life-long condition that attacks the central nervous system.
Now, she’s placed Rhead in a care home to give him the help he needs, but has been left caring for their six children, Andee, 19, Cashe, 18, Kimball, 16, Dixie, 14, Blake, 10 and Blair, eight, all on her own.
“I felt resentful toward Rhead at first, because I didn’t [understand] why he was acting so differently towards me,” the life coach told What’s The Jam.
“Life felt so uncertain and I wondered if my marriage was falling apart.
“I was very scared.
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“I felt like he was going crazy and in turn, left me going crazy.
“Emotionally my husband was turning into someone else and when you are emotionally drained, it is wearing on the body.
“I went from being a stay-at-home mum to a full-time provider, full-time mother, and caregiver to my husband.
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“And I was left mourning the person who he was before.”
Lindsay, who had to redefine who she was as a person while trying to hold down her brood, felt like she had no one to talk to who could understand her struggles.
She said: “I was processing so many emotions while having my entire life turn upside down.
“Rhead used to be the person who I could talk to about everything and to have that ripped away meant having to find a new identity.
“I was already caregiving for him but didn’t realise.
“For a few years before his official diagnosis, I had slowly taken on his roles at home.
“He used to be so good at taking care of the yard and cleaning our home.
“He was so energetic and loved taking care of his kids, spending quality time with them – but all of that slowly fell on me to take over.
“Our kids started pitching in to help more and I had amazing friends and family who dove into help without judgement.
“Rhead and I used to be such a great team raising our family.
“Now, as a family, we have worked as a team to figure out how to make it work.
“It was a very difficult emotional and physical strain.”
Lindsay, from Utah, US, knew before getting married to Rhead that he had previously been diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis, where each relapse can leave the body in a worse condition than before.
While he had numbness in his legs for a number of years, where she assumed he would one day end up in a wheelchair, he had an 11-year break with no symptoms – and the couple assumed his condition had gone away.
But then, in 2013, he began having frequent spells of mood swings and started acting out of character.
She said: “He would be easily irritated and angry at things that weren’t significant.
“It was so out of character of him to get so upset over little things.
“He seemed to come and [go] into himself again, apologise, but then have another burst of irrational mood.
“Over the years, these [occurrences] kept getting closer and closer together.
“I thought he was having a midlife crisis and every day became a struggle.”
In 2018, his mental health took a sharp decline and while physically he was fine, Lindsay knew there was something much worse going on.
The mum said: “We were going from doctor to doctor, who were diagnosing him with anxiety and depression, and they would give him medication – but that didn’t work.
“I was trying to nurse him back to health at home, but things were getting too difficult and I would even go into work with him to help teach his classes.
“I wonder if the core of all of this was his MS and so I checked him into a hospital, where the psychiatrists and neurologists finally confirmed this.”
Since then, he’s been placed on disability at work and she has now become his full-time carer, as well as trying to juggle being a mum-of-six and the sole provider in the family.
While it’s been tough, the life coach is sharing their story to help raise awareness and to let others going through a similar situation know that they’re not alone.
She added: “Our children have had to go through their own emotions watching their dad decline and have had to care for him alongside me.
“My oldest, Andee, would even take care of the other kids while I was helping Rhead.
“But they love their dad and want to look after him – and they love having conversations and making him laugh.
“He is currently in assisted living, but he also spends a lot of time at home and is free to come and go as he pleases.
“It’s helped me shift my expectations of what I thought life was supposed to be like.
“It’s come with hard challenges, mistakes, grieving, and trying to figure out my next move.
“I’ve realised there’s so much more to be learned from life.
“You are not alone, it’s not an easy thing being a caregiver, as you’re left picking up all the pieces.
“It’s ok to process emotions, but take care of yourself regularly too.”
This mother’s experience was difficult, but she had a positive attitude and the courage to face life. If one day you also encounter challenges that need to be overcome, you can choose some specific scenarios to motivate yourself, such as customizing Challenge Coins with motivational words. With the motivation of objects and your own efforts, I believe you will be able to overcome difficulties.
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