Tradwife dubbed ‘husband’s slave’ shares controversial marriage rules – from no male friendships to ‘submitting’ to husband

A ‘tradwife’ has shared a list of controversial ways she ensures she doesn’t “disrespect” her spouse.

Katelyn Smith has been married to her husband, Marvin for 13 years, and the duo share five children together.

The 31-year-old, who describes herself as a homemaker and traditional wife, says part of the reason their marriage works so well is her commitment to not acting in ways they deem disrespectful.

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On her list of 12 no-no’s, is friendships with other men, complaining about his income, rolling her eyes at him, and refusing to ‘submit’.

But due to her views, Katelyn says she has experienced backlash.

“I’ve had people refer to me as my husband’s slave, [and] being brainwashed,” Katelyn, who is based in Canada, told What’s The Jam.

“People make assumptions that aren’t true.”

Katelyn and Marvin, 30, have been together for 16 years in total, having dated for three years prior to getting married.

The duo opts for a traditional setup, with Marvin acting as a breadwinner, and Katelyn as a homemaker.

She said: “To me, being a homemaker is prioritising the management of your home.

“I believe it’s the homemaker’s responsibility to see to meals being made, the home being cleaned, laundry, décor – whether done herself or delegating chores.

“More importantly, a homemaker sets the tone and atmosphere of her home with her presence and whatever other ways she chooses.”

Katelyn started documenting her experience and advice on being a traditional wife on her Instagram and YouTube page, @gemsandpearlswithlove, three years ago.

In a recent series shared online, she documented 12 ways in which she feels women may be “disrespecting” their husbands – and warned of the potential issues it can cause.

These include not being rude to your husband – which can cover anything from “telling him off”, “name calling”, “rolling your eyes and other rude facial expressions”, and “passive-aggressive jokes”.

Katelyn also warns against speaking with “unpleasant tones and yelling”, giving the “silent treatment”, speaking negatively about your husband to other people, and trying to “control or change” him.

Comparing your spouse to other men is also off limits, as is having “inappropriate relationships with men” – which includes even seemingly innocent ones.

She explained: “Although my husband and I have casual acquaintances of the opposite sex, we don’t have actual friendships with them.

“I see no reason in having a male friend that I call consistently and have long conversations with as I would a girlfriend.”

Katelyn also cites comparisons with other men as an act of disrespect, as well as “mothering” your spouse, or allowing your friends or family members to be disrespectful to him.

She also warns against complaining about his income or being disrespectful towards his family, friends, hobbies and preferences.

Finally, Katelyn says it can be disrespectful to “refuse to submit” to your husband – which she likens to the position of employee and manager.

She said: “When an employee is asked to do something by their manager, they don’t do it because they are of less value or lacking in any area – they do it out of respect for the manager’s position in the workplace whether they feel they deserve it or not.”

Katelyn added: “[With the series,] I hope to open the eyes of other wives to how they may be disrespecting and tearing down their husbands without even realising it.

“I am sharing what I wish someone told me when I was in the beginning stages of my marriage or even better, before marriage.

“When my eyes were open to my errors and I chose to start making a change, with the help of God, my marriage became so much better in more ways that I could have imagined.

“It brought peace, joy and the spark in our marriage.

“I just want other women to have the best marriage possible and for them to do their part to achieving that.”

While it may not be the most popular choice in modern times, the Smith’s stand by their choice to stick to traditional gender roles.

Katelyn explained: “A traditional wife is a wife who has traditional values.

“As a Christian, these values include valuing family over a career, serving her family out of love, [following] traditional gender roles – [with] the man as the main provider, protector and leader and the wife as the manager of the home and caretaker.

“A traditional wife understands the importance of respecting and submitting to her husband, which ultimately is in submission to the God of the bible.

“Christian traditional wives also value children and see them as blessings instead of burdens that are in the way of something else.”

Katelyn says a typical day includes Bible readings and prayer in the morning, followed by chores, exercise and getting ready for the day.

She then prepares breakfast for the family and starts homeschooling her five children.

Next she may do some baking and take a walk, before making lunch.

The afternoon involves cleaning the home, and content creation for her social media pages.

She added: “Before my husband gets home, I have the kids help with another quick tidy up.

“I freshen up, maybe do a bit of make-up.

“What else I do depends on how my husband said his day went.

“Sometimes I light candles and put on relaxing music.

“When he gets home from work we have dinner, clean up, chat and relax before bed.”

While the couple feels that following these more traditional gender roles works well for them, Katelyn has experienced “backlash” regarding her views.

She said: “Typically it’s just people assuming things that are not true like for example that I’m oppressed and so on.”

Some comments Katelyn has received say she has had a ‘lobotomy’, accusing her of “bashing” women and making them seem inferior to men, accusing her of acting this way for her husband’s money, and calling her a “wilful victim of controlling men”.

But in a message to those who criticise her lifestyle as a traditional wife, she said: “If you say you believe in women having the right to choose the path they want and that that is what feminism is apparently all about then allow us to choose our path as well.

“My goal is to have more women see there in a different way to do life than what society tells us.

“We are equal to men but we are different and there is nothing wrong with embracing those differences.”

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