A mum has revealed her unlikely birthday wish of spending time AWAY from her children – taking the opportunity to prioritise “me-time” with a solo holiday.
Michele Akester-Marsh is a loving mum to her two boys, ages 14 and 10, but found that juggling parenthood with the demands of work left her feeling “exhausted and fed up”.
To counter that, the 46-year-old decided it was time to start putting herself first – adopting a series of habits based on that, including yoga and massages, hiring a cleaner, and taking lavish solo trips abroad.
READ MORE: Ex-Morrisons insider says Lidl will lose latest supermarket crown – THIS is why
- Advertisement -
She now lives by the mantra ‘me first, mum second’ – and says it has done wonders not just for her, but for her entire family.
“Mums must stop putting themselves last,” Michele, from north-east Scotland, told What’s The Jam.
“In my own life, I’m me first and mum second.
“It doesn’t mean I love my children any less – it’s actually the opposite.
“I believe that when a woman remembers who she is alongside motherhood, protects her time and energy, regulates her nervous system, and prioritises her own needs and values, she becomes calmer, more present and ultimately a better parent.
- Advertisement -
“Parenting and family life is a team effort – not a burden to be carried silently by mums.”
Michele’s change of ethos came in 2017, when she was juggling home renovations, looking after her two young sons, and her husband, Garry’s, ill health at the time, and found herself feeling burnt out by trying to juggle it all alongside her work.
She said: “It started by accident in my attempt to feel in control of my own life again.
- Advertisement -
“I was so fed up with waking up every morning exhausted, wondering how I’d navigate the day’s logistics and wishing I could be teleported back to bed at the end of the day.
“I dreamed of a calm nervous system and to slow down time.”
“Life had become so serious and stagnant.
“Even the fun things weren’t fun because I was too tired and it felt like an effort, or I was already thinking about the next thing that demanded my time and energy.”
Determined to stop “living on autopilot”, in 2019 Michele decided it was time to carve out time for herself.
What started as five minutes of yoga, taking a quick time-out when feeling stressed, and refusing to do chores until she’d enjoyed a cup of tea soon became boundaries that prioritised her own health and happiness.
When the opportunity arose to visit a friend living in Mauritius, Michele leapt at the opportunity.
She said: “There was a part of me who felt like I needed permission, but I remember my husband saying, ‘I’m not going to give you permission, you have to decide for yourself’.
“It was a big decision due to finances but also because it involved a lot of trust in leaving the boys and that nothing would fall apart without me.”
But instead, she found that her husband and kids enjoyed quality time together without her, and her much-needed break benefited everyone.
Michele, who works as a self-leadership mentor for working mums under the moniker Unshakeable Mama™, added: “It solidified evidence that it’s safe for me to live ‘me first and mum second’.
“It was deeply engrained conditioning that everything had to be done by me – I had to be the one sorting the boys, I had to make sure meals were cooked, the washing done, school logistics and admin.
“I carried this belief that if it wasn’t me holding everything together, somehow it would all fall apart.
“Over time, my need for control and the expectations I had on myself shifted, and I started experimenting with boundaries and almost playing a little game with myself of ‘what can I get away with next?’
“One of the hardest things was deciding to hire a cleaner, even though we couldn’t afford one.
“I felt like I had to justify it to my husband as he was usually worried about money.
“But deep down, I’d already made the decision that we were getting one.
“My husband soon agreed it was worth it because it meant we got our Sundays back.
“At the time, I was working six days a week and spending Sundays cleaning, so family time always disappeared.”
Since then, Michele has leaned into her new ethos, and following her 2024 trip to Mauritius, she also took herself for a solo birthday getaway this year to Dundee.
She said: “All I wanted for my birthday was space for myself.
“It was supposed to be a two-night trip but my husband and the boys said I may as well go for three, [so I did].
“I’ve also travelled solo to visit family in Dorset several times, and I book myself regular massages and yoga retreats.
“I tell my husband I’m going, rather than asking for permission to spend the money or asking him to look after the boys.”
While Michele is thriving, she has felt “judged” for her choice at times.
She said: “There’s been a theme of ‘why should Garry help cook dinner when he’s been at work all day?’ – and my response is that I’ve also been working all day!”
But any criticism rolls off of her back, thanks to seeing the marked difference in her home life since changing her attitude towards me-time.
Michele added: “Our home feels very harmonious.
“My husband feels the burden of family life, finances and used to feel he should be working even harder.
“However, by me giving myself permission to create more time and space for rest and joy, I’ve seen a definite shift in how often he takes a break and interjects more fun in between work and house renovations.
“I actively encourage him to do more of the things he enjoys and he’s less stressed for it.
“For my boys, I’ve noticed a change in how the navigate social situations at school.
“Yes, they may get upset sometimes but they’ve learned that any problems may have more to do with the other people involved than them.
“This helps them see other perspectives, not feel victimised and to stand true to their own beliefs, not just try to fit in.
“And personally, I’m so much happier in myself now.
“Life feels like it belongs to me again.
“My message to other Mums struggling with balance is that we’re all striving for the perfect work-life balance but what we need is harmony – in our lives, our homes and at work.
“Striving for balance implies that everything must be equal all the time, but the reality is we simply can’t give our all to everything all at once.
“That’s one of the biggest ways I believe feminism backfired for women.
“We were told we could have it all, but somewhere along the way, we started believing that meant we had to do it all, all at the same time – and we simply can’t.
“Sometimes work needs more from us, sometimes family will need more, sometimes we need to focus more on ourselves, our home or on our wellbeing.
“The key is learning to trust that this is OK.
“It’s less about perfect balance and more about finding a blend that works for the season we’re in.”
Michele also says she hears other woman say her husband “must be more helpful than mine” – but says it is worth giving them a chance to step up.
She added: “Our partners and children aren’t mind readers.
“They are far more capable than we give them credit for – but they can only learn when we give them the opportunity.
“When we stop carrying everything alone, everyone benefits.”
