A woman has gone viral after revealing her strict relationship rules, including why her partner having a female friend he is closer to than her, signals an issue with trust.
Canadian actress and musician, Soma Chhaya has appeared in a variety of roles such as playing Goldi Nahir in Degrassi: Next Class and Shauzia in The Breadwinner, which won an Oscar in 2018.
Soma and her boyfriend, Antoine Martel, 29, a business owner and real estate investor, have been together for three years, and she says he is “supportive” of her rules.
Taking to Instagram (@somachhaya), she shares a dating checklist – which has been dubbed a “red flag” and has over 133,000 likes.
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But the 25-year-old, who lives in Miami, US, stands by her advice.
“Standards, rules and boundaries are necessary for a healthy relationship and if someone doesn’t respect them, they’re not the right person anyway,” Soma told What’s The Jam.
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“We can’t expect people to read our minds on what we are and aren’t okay with.
“And it’s fine for these rules to change over time!
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“The key is to communicate when something makes you uncomfortable, and to brainstorm together a way to handle it.”
RULE NO 1: FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS
Rule number one refers to a partner having female friendships.
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Soma said: “I think it is so important for your significant other to not just be your partner, romantically, but to also be your best friend, too.
“If there is another woman my partner feels closer to, even in a platonic way, it signals to me that they do not trust me with their heart fully.
“Either we are not a good match or I need to step up and get them to trust me in some way.”
RULE NO 2: SPLIT THE BILL… BUT NOT EVENLY
The next rule that is vital to Soma’s companionship is splitting the cost of things based on income.
She said: “I think splitting things is very common, but splitting proportion to income is something my boyfriend introduced me to.
“I like to contribute to our expenses but I make significantly less than him.
“There may come a time when I make more than him, then I will contribute more.
“It feels most fair to both parties.”
RULE NO 3: NO PUBLIC FIGHTS
Also on Soma’s list is making sure that fights never happen in public.
She believes that you should present yourself as a unit even when things might not be all sunshine and rainbows behind closed doors.
Soma said: “If people publicly see you fighting, it leaves you vulnerable.
“Others may feel awkward/burdened by you involving them in your personal business.
“It can also embarrass your partner publicly.
“Feedback and disagreements are more effective when discussed in private.”
RULE NO 4: KEEP QUIET ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE
Soma also believes that her sex life should be kept under wraps and that privacy is vital.
She said: “Your intimacy is for you and your partner to know – no one else.
“I think people need to consent to intimate details being shared about them.
“Outside of a medical situation, it’s inappropriate to share this without your partner’s consent.”
RULE NO 5: CASUAL DATING ISN’T A THING
Soma isn’t a fan of casual dating. In fact, she doesn’t “believe” in it.
She said: “I don’t believe in casual dating.
“I have done it before and it was such a waste of time and energy.
“I need to know someone’s intentions up front so I can decide if I’d like to invest my time into them.”
Social media users have flocked to comment on the rules, with many people becoming seemingly offended at Soma’s suggestions.
“You lost me with the whole rules thing… good luck with that,” said one person.
Someone else added: “S***t screams red flag.”
Thomas said: “Cool. She comes with a user manual.”
Another user said: “I hear the word “rules” and i already know my life will be miserable.”
Another user said: “I am so glad I am gay.”
Others agree that these are basic fundamentals for dating.
Another person said: “She’s spitting facts that apply to both sides.”
Another user said: “I don’t get why the comments are so rude? It’s just basic relationship stuff everyone should follow.”
Soma claims her family and boyfriend fully support her opinions, with her boyfriend even replying to comments.
She added: “My friends, family and boyfriend were very supportive of the content.
“The reaction online was divided.
“But I didn’t expect everyone to agree with me.
In fact, I didn’t want that.”
“I wanted to start a conversation”
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