An etiquette expert has revealed why you should never say “congratulations” to a newly-engaged couple.
Alison Cheperdak is an expert in all things prim and proper.
She regularly updates her social media followers on how one should conduct oneself at social gatherings.
But one of her latest videos has ruffled some feathers, racking up over 100,000 views.
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“Saying ‘congratulations’ can imply that the engagement is an achievement,” Alison told What’s The Jam.
“As if one partner ‘won’ the other, rather than a mutual decision to build a life together.
“It’s more appropriate to say: ‘I’m so happy for you both’ or ‘Best wishes.’”
Alison explained that this etiquette actually dates back in time.
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She said: “Traditionally, it was suggested that it was appropriate to say congratulations to the groom but not to the bride.
“To say congratulations to a bride was to express surprise that she found love.
“The idea is to avoid making marriage seem like a prize or a goal that must be achieved, as it should be based on love and partnership.
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“It’s also about treating both members of a couple equally.
“It can suggest that one person is lucky to have secured the other, which can feel transactional rather than a celebration of mutual love.
“While getting married is significant, achievements are typically efforts that require skill or accomplishment, like a career milestone or completing a personal goal.
“Marriage is a shared life decision that represents love and commitment, not a task accomplished.”
Alison, from Washington DC, US, said that framing marriage as an achievement suggests work ethic is the key to finding love when in reality, it’s not that simple.
She said: “Express excitement without the connotations of congratulations.
“Congratulations should be reserved for accomplishments such as graduating, landing a new job, or reaching a personal milestone – moments that reflect individual effort and growth – which will look different for different people.”
But not everyone shares Alison’s take.
Nicole said: “I am shook over this – I thought congratulations was synonymous with “I’m elated for you” or “I’m happy for you”. This feels nitpicky imo.”
Christina quipped: “Le sigh, we’re overthinking now.”
Another user said: “I think that’s called overthinking.”
Someone questioned: “How about when people say congratulations on a new car? THIS I find so strange. Especially if they have crazy-high payments.”
But a few agree.
One user added: “I agree! I just say I’m happy for the couple.”
