A mum-of-two has shared how she hates when her children are compared to their dad – revealing what should never say to a woman who has just given birth.
Twenty-nine-year-old Madison Barbosa has two children, two-year-old Rose and 14-month-old Beckham with husband David, 34.
While her partner is very supportive, the mum is tired of strangers giving him a “trophy” just for being a dad – with her receiving no extra recognition.
In a TikTok video (@madison_barbosa ) that has over 435,000 views, she talks about unnecessary things people say to new mums that they should really keep to themselves.
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And the internet loves it.
Madison says that “not even five minutes after giving birth” she was told her baby looked ‘just like’ David – leaving her infuriated.
“Hearing that a baby looks ‘just like dad’ after intense labours, can feel very dismissive,” the AGE-year-old, from Houston, Texas, told What’sTheJam.com.
“Say the baby is beautiful.
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“It’s like dad gets a participation trophy and credit but mom doesn’t, when mom is the one that just sacrificed her body for nine months.”
“When you say “Oh the baby looks just like dad’ you are simultaneously saying “Baby doesn’t look like mom.
“Do I think people are saying it to be mean or hurtful? No.
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“But the point is that it can be.”
Madison also shared other things on her no-no list – including people telling mums they should “sleep when the baby sleeps” or asking if they intend to have more children.
She said: “To hear ‘Are you going to have more?’ when you are freshly postpartum, it can be annoying, for a lack of better words.
“You are trying to focus on your own body healing and taking care of this little tiny human, the idea of having more [kids] isn’t high on the priority list.
“People really should just avoid that question at all costs.”
Madison says that many mums share advice with her, often sharing warnings that, as a new mother, she doesn’t want to hear.
She said: “You just want to feel validated.
“[Hearing] ‘Oh just wait until they’re a toddler’ is not only dismissive but it can feel isolating.
“Most of the time when a mom is venting it is because she is at her wit’s end, and just NEEDS an ear.
“When a mom is freshly postpartum, it can feel daunting to have all of the housework on your shoulders, as well as now taking care of this tiny human.
“To constantly hear “sleep when the baby sleeps” can [also] feel dismissive – or like you are doing something wrong for simply not being able to do that.
“People should just agree that the newborn phase is demanding and that the new mom’s feelings are valid.
“Just tell them to get rest when they can!”
Sharing the clip on TikTok, she has gained 43,600 likes and numerous comments from mothers agreeing with her.
One user said: “I once told a new mom that her baby looked like dad and now I’m pregnant and it’s my deepest regret.”
Mia said: “Every single person tells me baby looks like her dad, he doesn’t even live with me and I’m doing all the work.”
Faith said: “Baby can be a CLONE of mom and MIL will insist they are dad’s twin.”
Reagan said: “Why wouldn’t you want your baby to look like your husband?”
Another user said: “The just wait comments are the WORST.”
Madison added: “Every mom has a different journey and it’s unfair to project your own experience on a new mom.
“All a new mom needs is support.
“These things are coming from a good place and postpartum mental health MATTERS.”
