A woman who divorced her husband to save their relationship says they are now happily dating – but she won’t remarry him because she “doesn’t need that kind of validation”.
Anu Verma and Robert Durrant instantly fell in love after laying eyes on each other while on respective party holidays in Ibiza.
But the romance didn’t last long – with Anu filing for divorce just two years after they tied the knot after suffering from postnatal depression.
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The 44-year-old tried dating again, but couldn’t get her ex-husband out of her head and the pair’s flame soon rekindled.
They are now back together – but Anu is refusing to put a ring on it again.
“I don’t want to get remarried because I don’t need that kind of validation anymore,” Anu, from Coventry, told What’s The Jam.
“The strain of being married and what that means – and other people’s expectations – is what ultimately led to its demise.
“But while I tried to move forward, there were moments when I found myself wishing the person I was dating was Rob.
“It was a complicated time and it forced me to confront my unresolved feelings.
“It took getting divorced to let us heal and grow as individuals to save our relationship.
“I don’t want or need to be a wife.”
The divorce was partially triggered by Anu’s struggles after giving birth to her first child, Noah, in 2018.
The mum, who also has a daughter, started feeling “resentment” toward not only her ex-husband but within herself and for the situation they were in – coupled with “sadness and low self-worth”.
She and Robert soon began to drift apart.
Anu said: “At first, our marriage felt like a breath of fresh air.
“But then feelings of lingering insecurity and fear of abandonment started to kick in.
“We started arguing more frequently and I felt increasingly more resentful – not so much toward Rob, but for the situation we were in.
“It was clear by the time of our divorce that being together was no longer healthy for us.”
Anu, who was struggling to come to terms with co-parenting, hired a therapist to cope with her feelings.
That’s when she realised that she had been suffering from postnatal depression.
As feelings of guilt started to pour in, Anu reached back out to Rob to make amends.
Two years after their divorce, they got back together – minus the ring.
She said: “Knowing that our marriage ended, in part, due to my struggles with postnatal depression was incredibly difficult to come to terms with.
“I felt a deep sense of guilt and regret, wondering if things would have been different if I had recognised these issues earlier.
“It was painful but it also motivated me to focus on healing.
“Rob and I realised that there was still a strong bond between us and decided to give it another chance.”
Rob is very traditional and isn’t 100% in agreement with her decision not to remarry.
But Anu says his main focus is on her happiness.
She said: “He knows I don’t follow traditional norms, especially when it comes to marriage but it’s what he loves about me.
“I am worried about negative feelings resurfacing if we were to tie the knot again and, for me, that’s the main reason right now that we’re not looking into it.
“Our marriage broke down in part because of postnatal depression, but mostly because we were not communicating.
“It ended up with us living separate lives and from there, it was just a continuous downward spiral until our divorce.”
Since reconciling in September 2021, the pair have gone on to have their second child, Eva.
While people are shocked to learn about their divorce and decision not to remarry, the couple don’t get judged for it.
Anu added: “Because we’re living together with our two kids, people just see us as husband and wife.
“It’s not really changed anything – except there’s no legal document binding us together for life.
“We’ve had to learn the hard way how crucial it is to be open with each other about our feelings.
“And to address issues as they arise rather than letting them fester.
“But most importantly, we’ve learned how to prioritise each other and our relationship, even amidst any chaos.”
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