A granddaughter has to reintroduce herself to her nan who has dementia and has forgotten she exists.
Jess captures the emotional moments she introduces herself to her 92-year-old gran Jean.
Retired factory worker Jean, from Chesterfield, Derbyshire, was diagnosed with vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s disease in 2017.
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27-year-old Jess says she would often visit her nan to find the cooker on but no food inside and Jean would skip meals because she didn’t have any concept of time.
Jean moved into a care home in 2020 leaving Jess heartbroken.
The nursery worker visits her nan as often as she can but has to reintroduce herself every time as Jean no longer recognises her.
“Nan not recognising me has been a particularly tough part of the journey for me. It just happened so suddenly,” Jess told What’s the Jam.
“I visited her one day and she recognised me fine. The next day, she asked me who my name was. I was broken.
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“I didn’t quite believe it but I quickly pulled myself together as I didn’t want nan to see that I was upset.
“I had to detach myself from being a granddaughter. I was just Jessica and she was just a lady called Jean.
“Each day we reintroduced ourselves again and again.
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“Our relationship has changed a lot since nan was diagnosed. I still feel very close to nan and we still share a very affectionate, loving bond but she doesn’t know who I am anymore.
“She will always ask me what my name is and sometimes asks if I work in the care home which is just heartbreaking.
“When I tell her that my name is Jessica, she’ll say ‘oh wow, I have a Jessica at home, she is my granddaughter’ but has no idea that I’m her granddaughter.
“She will tell me all the lovely memories and life that she shared with Jessica but doesn’t know that it is me.
“I visit Nan as much as I can and will sit with her for hours on end, sometimes whilst she’s sleeping.
“I just like being within her comfort.
“It’s hard visiting someone who doesn’t know you or the 27 years of life that you shared together. It’s absolutely heartbreaking.”
Jean had noticed in the years leading up to her diagnosis that she’d become forgetful.
Jess says her biggest fear was that her nan would forget who she was.
Jess said: “When Nan was first diagnosed, it was a very empty and numb feeling because we really didn’t know what the future looked like for us all.
“I was scared that she’d forget us all and our life.
“We’d been battling for months to get a diagnosis of what exactly was going on with nan so this was also like a small relief to us all to stop fighting for answers.
“In the first two years, nan was still very independent and living at home by herself.
“Nan was cooking dinner for herself, going for walks, we went shopping and had bingo nights.
“She was slowly deteriorating with her memory. She would forget words and memories we all shared together but still knew about her family and friends.
“After three years, nan’s physical ability declined quite quickly.
“She experienced a reduce of depth perception, spatial awareness and problems with coordination and balance.
“Nan fell over quite a lot which led to multiple hospital trips and it was causing her a lot of pain.
“It felt like each time she fell, she deteriorated more and more.
“Some days we would go round and the cooker would be on but no food cooking. There would be cups of cold coffee around the house, she would have not eaten anything because she had no inclination of the time or her usual routine.
“She had high anxiety and she felt that she had lost herself.”
Jess and her family started caring for Jean at home but eventally medics advised that she’d be safer in a home.
Jess said: “It was a very difficult and heartbreaking journey for us all as a family.
“Looking back, nan having 24 hour care was the best thing we could do to keep her safe.”
Jean is on end of life care, completely bed bound and needs help eating and drinking.
Jess said: “It was heartbreaking when nan first went into the home because she was very aware that she wasn’t at home.
“When we visited, nan would get her bag and keys ready because she thought we were taking her back home.
“Every time I went home from visiting, I would cry because I missed her being at home.
“It’s been difficult and heartbreaking watching someone lose themselves and forget you and the life we shared.
“The journey is very much like waves. Every day is different. Each time I walk into the care home door, I visit a different Nan.”
Before the diagnosis, Jean was Jess’s ‘closest friend and second mother’.
The pair would go shopping together, play board games and reminisce about Jess’s childhood by looking through old photo albums.
Jess added: “Before nan was diagnosed, our relationship was marked by deep love and unwavering companionship.
“She was more than just my grandmother, she was my closest friend and second mother.
“We shared an incredibly close bond.
“Our time together was always filled with laughter and warmth.
“Nan was the best at listening and offering advice, and her generous heart was a source of comfort and support.
“She was an irreplaceable presence in my life, embodying kindness and love in everything she did. She was always my biggest supporter in life.
“I just want my nan back, the nan that I know and who knows me too. It’s very sad.”
